Petrus Journey of Transformation in Egypt Embracing Leadership and Overcoming Shadows Part 2 of 3

Transformation often begins when we face the parts of ourselves we usually avoid. For Petrus, his week in Egypt became a turning point, a deep encounter with his inner shadows and a step toward embracing leadership. This blog shares Petrus’s personal journey in his own words, breaking down his experience to reveal how he moved from insecurity and pain toward a new sense of purpose and strength.

Petrus shares Part 2:

I experienced transformation during the week in Egypt. I was face to face with my shadow and personal demons. I felt the divinity in the air around me, within me, in everyone I was with. When I was laying in the coffer I saw green lights with my eyes closed. I was led to be a sort of leader with our group, to go first, and I didn’t feel afraid like I have usually been before. I also didn’t experience uncontrollable emotions such as full on bawling - I did shed a few tears, but otherwise kept my composure. Not that there’s anything wrong with crying your pain away, or being overwhelmed by your emotions, but when you’re taking responsibility for things larger than yourself and other people, as I want to learn to do, you have to keep yourself together, because It’s not about you anymore. I want to lead, guide people, teach and coach. That has always been my passion, but I’m not the most assertive or confident person in the room. I have felt so insecure for my whole life, less than, not good enough, broken, powerless, useless, like a victim due to my childhood trauma with my father I guess. So I have been hiding in the shadows, sleepwalking through my life until this point, wishing I had never been born, so that people would never have had to meet me and deal with this mess of a person. The potential man, who has good qualities but can’t seem to get it together. All this has taught me compassion, sensitivity and softness. I feel I can really see through people, at least to the extent of believing in the best of them.

In Egypt I really liked to yap, and sing. I don’t know If I should have focused more on my own inner process and work. But I’m a libra and that sort of person who sees himself through the eyes of others. I just can't help it. But I have to learn to only see myself through the eyes of God. What others think of me, doesn’t really concern me or tell me anything about myself really. I need to focus on my business, carrying my own cross. During this time, starting from months before Egypt, I have felt it easier than ever to focus on my mission, what’s important on this earth, the cravings to sin and addictions have started to dissolve and are replaced with inner alignment with the most high, his power and doing what I was born to do. Of course I still have had my moments and days of relapsing to my old ways, trying to numb myself and escape the responsibilities and calling, when I’m feeling super tired and exhausted. But It just doesn’t do the little it used to do with me before, and I feel even worse than before after those periods. My body responds with physical pain and I snap back to the present moment and pick back up on what I’m really doing and where I want to go.

I'm sorry I got really carried away writing this. What more did I experience.. bliss, harmony, amazing historical and archaeological wonders, moments of divine guidance, sings from above in the most physical form, crazy synchronicities, you name it. Sometimes my mind was racing and I felt really horrible, such as after the first day, waiting for the second pyramid initiation. But I had no choice but to breathe through them, be with them, accept them as valid parts of myself. Meet them with love instead of judgement and abandonment, like I had faced when I was just a little boy. And that is what I want to learn to do and teach others to do. Give that love, safety and embracement I failed to receive as a kid, to myself and others.

The group. I like people in general, most everyone I meet. And the holiness, praying, talking about God. Sharing our stories, hearing others' experiences. I loved to hear beautiful singing and instruments and sing myself. I was in awe of the historical sites, such as the pyramids and huge sarcophagus in Saqqara. Wondering how they got there. Feeling the holy air in the churches, and sending our prayers, written or otherwise. I loved just talking to people, mostly our group, even about mundane things, sometimes just joking around on some nonsense. The Nile cruise was such a special moment for me, with Emel singing the song we kind of had bonded over, of this special movie to both of us. Sharing about the scene which is one of my all-time favourite scenes in cinema and a centre point in my heart, about loved ones being there with us even if we can’t see them, and to follow your heart, but listen closely as it whispers. Seeing Emel break down crying in the middle of the song and the group shedding tears too, showing to me that this was powerful also for others and to our leader who is otherwise always so in control. It was such a special week in time and space, that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Being with my soul and my heart, sharing all the good stuff with others. Not to mention the pyramid initiations of course. It was pretty overwhelming and over so suddenly that I couldn’t take it all in at least consciously, but maybe my heart and soul did.

End Part 2

Practical Lessons from Petrus’s Experience

Petrus’s story offers several lessons for anyone on a path of growth:

• Face your shadows: Avoiding pain only prolongs suffering. Meeting your fears can lead to healing.

• Stay grounded in leadership: Emotions are natural, but leaders must maintain composure to support others.

• Take responsibility beyond yourself: Leadership means focusing on the group’s needs, not just your own.

• Embrace compassion: Understanding your own pain helps you connect with others more deeply.

• Balance inner work and social life: Both reflection and connection are important for growth.